I was thinking the other day about what a surreal experience it was going through the whole sperm donation thing. As I mentioned before we had to go through IUI (Inter-Uterine Insemination) which of course means that before the insemination occurs there has to be donation.
Now I’m sure you have all seen movies with a scene where a guy has to go and donate. There is always the buxom receptionist who flicks her hair suggestively and has a few too many buttons undone who leads the guy to a room full of porn and leaves with a wink. Unfortunately it was all rather more clinical than that.
So it was with some interest and trepidation that I headed in to make my donation.
I headed in to the fertility centre with my wife and sat down in the waiting room. I must say it felt like I had a big flashing light on my head saying “About to donate” and that everyone I passed was giving me that knowing wink and having a chuckle but in hindsight they were probably thinking about their own lives.
When the nurse came and called my name I took a deep breath and tried to nonchalantly walk over and follow her up the stairs. The silence as I followed her felt deafening and so my mouth started talking about the weather - always a safe topic in uncertain times!!!
She led me to a small room just off the main corridor. I walked in looked around and thought ‘surely this isn’t the spot, isn’t there supposed to be some “Get Smart” type corridor with about 20 locking doors that I have to head down to find the donation room.’ This is no where near private enough, just a thin door between me and all the activity outside.
She then handed me a brown paper bag, specimen cup (yes one of those small yellow lidded clear things for urine samples), some labels with my details on them and a clip board with a form on it. She started to explain the process and I was thinking, I hope she doesn’t go into any of the mechanics of donating as I’m sure I’m quite capable, hey I’ve been practising for years!!!
She closed the door behind her and I checked the lock about 4 times before I surveyed the room. Don’t want anyone entering by mistake.
The room was about 3 x 3, beige, with a sink, recliner covered in plastic, coffee table with two blue folders (wonder what’s in there!!) and a little cupboard on the wall where I need to leave my brown paper bag with the specimen cup filled with appropriate donation. Imagine taking a blue light into that room.. yuck…
So there I was a little specimen cup and a donation ahead of me.
It was not till this moment, confronted with the specimen cup, that I thought - How am I supposed to catch the “donation” in that little cup? Has no one through about what happens at the moment of donation and how hard it is to control the donation into the required location?
It’s not like a tap where the flow can be restricted and controlled. Are they mad?
A thousand questions entered my mind. Should I aim up or down? How close should the cup be? Sitting? Standing? So many confusing options…
Since then I have thought about 10 different ways they could collect the donation without it having to be caught in a little cup. A suction hose comes to mind.
So before I panicked too much I thought I had better move on and work out what I had to complete on the form. It was all pretty straight forward until I was confronted by the question -
What part of the donation did I catch?
(a) Beginning,
(b) Middle
(c) End; or
(d) All of it
Now I’m really nervous.
What if things don’t go to plan and the donation does not end up in the cup?
They ask you to wash your hands so as not to contaminate the donation so I expect scrapping it off the floor would not be acceptable. Imagine going and telling your wife, who is patiently waiting for you to complete your part, that half her future little angel is currently wriggling on the vinyl floor upstairs or even more embarrassing telling the nurse who has to clean it up.
Luckily for me all went well and let’s just say donating and catching went fine and my little brown paper bag with specimen cup and the labels and form all went into the little cupboard on the wall and disappeared to be cleaned. Yes really – CLEANED. Imagine that job? Sperm Cleaner…. Although it is probably titled “Male Fertility Cleansing Technician” or something similarly mysterious
The cleaned sperm then reappeared in a little syringe all ready to do its stuff. The rest is history and our bundle of joy will be here in 24 weeks and 6 days!
Oh and the blue folders did contain some mood assisting reading material. I’m still thinking they should have a big screen TV with a selection of mood assisting movies. Something to drown out the clip clop of heels down the corridor outside the room.
Hey isn’t it amazing that I got through the whole story without using the word “Ejaculation” hehe…
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Baby stuff.....
Man there is a lot of stuff that babies can have…. The question is what do we really need?? Everyone I speak to says something different, they all have said to me “The thing I found most useful was…..”
The list of things I’ve been told so far….
Pram
Cot
Special non SIDS mattress
Car seat
Tub for bathing
Baby monitors
Play rug things
Clothes to be changed frequently
Bottles
Sipper cups
Plastic plates
Sling thing for carrying – baby bjorn I think they are called
Mat you can use in bath to lay them on
Bouncy thing to put them in
Bassinet
Stuff for the baby’s room
Nappies
Cleaning things for babies
Playpens
Portacot
Safety rails
Highchair
Feeding chair
Night light
Etc etc etc
So are we are at the start of the list – the pram… after several hours perusing websites we are really no closer. Why are there so many choices? What size? 3 wheels, 4 wheels, rain cover, waterproof, shopping basket, front facing, backward facing, Umbrella fold, 5 point safety harness etc etc
Shouldn’t there just be just one beautiful, safe, light model that can be forward or backward facing and folds into nothing?
The list of things I’ve been told so far….
Pram
Cot
Special non SIDS mattress
Car seat
Tub for bathing
Baby monitors
Play rug things
Clothes to be changed frequently
Bottles
Sipper cups
Plastic plates
Sling thing for carrying – baby bjorn I think they are called
Mat you can use in bath to lay them on
Bouncy thing to put them in
Bassinet
Stuff for the baby’s room
Nappies
Cleaning things for babies
Playpens
Portacot
Safety rails
Highchair
Feeding chair
Night light
Etc etc etc
So are we are at the start of the list – the pram… after several hours perusing websites we are really no closer. Why are there so many choices? What size? 3 wheels, 4 wheels, rain cover, waterproof, shopping basket, front facing, backward facing, Umbrella fold, 5 point safety harness etc etc
Shouldn’t there just be just one beautiful, safe, light model that can be forward or backward facing and folds into nothing?
Friday, July 9, 2010
Baby Books
My wife has been slowly collecting an extensive library of books about having a baby and working her way diligently through them. Up the duff, baby love etc etc are all currently sitting beside the bed or on the coffee table. I think she loves reading about what to expect and I regularly get little titbits of information about feeding, creating routines etc.
She did reveal something interesting to me that she learnt when catching up recently with a group of girlfriends who said “don’t expect Jamie to read any baby books as none of our husbands did”.
Could this be true?
Do men not usually read baby books? Does the male of the species not need to read about what to expect? I’m in a conundrum now as I was, at the very least, planning to have a flick through some of them.
If I do, will my male friends disown me for being too prepared? Or, Am I missing the male gene that makes men naturally prepared? Does it also mean that I can’t join “Manhood Online” that I referred to in the previous post as I’m not man enough?
Maybe manhood online is what you need after you read a baby book to remind you that you are a man and that while, yes you will need to make goo goo noises and talk to the baby in a silly voice, you are still a man at heart!!!
So now I’m intrigued as to why none of these men read any baby books. All of them are loving and great fathers who have made it through many years of fatherhood and are totally dedicated to their kids but obviously none of them felt the need to read about having a baby in preparing to have a baby. Perhaps they thought they are so naturally brilliant they didn’t need any advice.
I think I need to chat to a few mates about how to prepare, to book or not to book.. hmmmmmmm
My wife did bring home a pamphlet for what can only be described as a brilliant concept. “Beer and Bubs” www.beerandbubs.com.au which is child birth workshops for dads, at the pub! Now that sounds promising. Perhaps while women can learn about having a child from a book, men need the comfort of the pub to facilitate learning about babies.
They haven’t launched in Perth yet but are coming soon or so the website says. I think this might be the thing for me.
26 weeks and 5 days to go…. eick
She did reveal something interesting to me that she learnt when catching up recently with a group of girlfriends who said “don’t expect Jamie to read any baby books as none of our husbands did”.
Could this be true?
Do men not usually read baby books? Does the male of the species not need to read about what to expect? I’m in a conundrum now as I was, at the very least, planning to have a flick through some of them.
If I do, will my male friends disown me for being too prepared? Or, Am I missing the male gene that makes men naturally prepared? Does it also mean that I can’t join “Manhood Online” that I referred to in the previous post as I’m not man enough?
Maybe manhood online is what you need after you read a baby book to remind you that you are a man and that while, yes you will need to make goo goo noises and talk to the baby in a silly voice, you are still a man at heart!!!
So now I’m intrigued as to why none of these men read any baby books. All of them are loving and great fathers who have made it through many years of fatherhood and are totally dedicated to their kids but obviously none of them felt the need to read about having a baby in preparing to have a baby. Perhaps they thought they are so naturally brilliant they didn’t need any advice.
I think I need to chat to a few mates about how to prepare, to book or not to book.. hmmmmmmm
My wife did bring home a pamphlet for what can only be described as a brilliant concept. “Beer and Bubs” www.beerandbubs.com.au which is child birth workshops for dads, at the pub! Now that sounds promising. Perhaps while women can learn about having a child from a book, men need the comfort of the pub to facilitate learning about babies.
They haven’t launched in Perth yet but are coming soon or so the website says. I think this might be the thing for me.
26 weeks and 5 days to go…. eick
Monday, July 5, 2010
Fatherhood - The Brochure
One of my colleagues just came and gave me a brochure entitled “Fatherhood – Supporting you and your family”. I’m not sure how to take this!! Does he think I need help already?
The front cover says “Are you trying to juggle being a father and working?”. … well not yet but what are you telling me?… I wasn’t really planning on doing any juggling anyway.
The brochure does however inform me that I can get 1 week partner leave when the baby is born. Yeehaaa…. A week of Playstation 3 – Modern Warfare 2 - hehe just jokes. Maybe the first week will be a bit like modern warfare – a war between dirty nappies, milk, sleeping, not sleeping, a tired wife and looking at this thing and wondering what to do with it.
One of my mates told me that being at home those first few weeks is a waste of time as you are just in the road and your wife and baby just need to get used to each other and settle into a routine. That might have been what he found but I think his wife and mine have slightly different ways of operating and therefore I will be front and centre waiting to do whatever is required.
On a different note, I made pasta for dinner last night which was great fun and the fettuccine actually turned out rather nice but when I looked at the kitchen afterwards it was like a big flour bomb had gone off, both me and the kitchen were covered in flour. It made me think that mess is something I need to get used too. From what I have heard keeping the house tidy and clean is a constant battle one you have a little one. From the early stages of nappies etc to the eventual pile of toys which seems to spread out across the house and get under your feet, you are on a downhill battle to keep things in order. Which brings to something that has been playing on my mind… electronics….
I have heard friends talk about the wonderful things their little angels like to put in weird places especially electronics. The most common is to insert jam or toast or pizza or milk into the CD/DVD player. Now all our stereo equipment – PS3, set top box, amplifier etc sit quiet nicely on the floor under the TV stand. There is really no where else they can go in our little house but since the PS3 warranty does not cover damage from toast inserted into the DVD slot, I’m definitely going to have to look into doing something. All I can come up with so far is buying one of those mesh fire guards and putting that in front. I am of course open to suggestions.
Anyway back to the brochure, it does have loads of helpful information and hints on where to get help. From parenting services, “Hey Dad WA” to “Manhood Online” there seems to be heaps of help out there. I must say to me, Manhood online sounds either like an unsuitable site with unsuitable pictures or a place where men can go to have their manhood flattered. Sounds interesting nonetheless.
The front cover says “Are you trying to juggle being a father and working?”. … well not yet but what are you telling me?… I wasn’t really planning on doing any juggling anyway.
The brochure does however inform me that I can get 1 week partner leave when the baby is born. Yeehaaa…. A week of Playstation 3 – Modern Warfare 2 - hehe just jokes. Maybe the first week will be a bit like modern warfare – a war between dirty nappies, milk, sleeping, not sleeping, a tired wife and looking at this thing and wondering what to do with it.
One of my mates told me that being at home those first few weeks is a waste of time as you are just in the road and your wife and baby just need to get used to each other and settle into a routine. That might have been what he found but I think his wife and mine have slightly different ways of operating and therefore I will be front and centre waiting to do whatever is required.
On a different note, I made pasta for dinner last night which was great fun and the fettuccine actually turned out rather nice but when I looked at the kitchen afterwards it was like a big flour bomb had gone off, both me and the kitchen were covered in flour. It made me think that mess is something I need to get used too. From what I have heard keeping the house tidy and clean is a constant battle one you have a little one. From the early stages of nappies etc to the eventual pile of toys which seems to spread out across the house and get under your feet, you are on a downhill battle to keep things in order. Which brings to something that has been playing on my mind… electronics….
I have heard friends talk about the wonderful things their little angels like to put in weird places especially electronics. The most common is to insert jam or toast or pizza or milk into the CD/DVD player. Now all our stereo equipment – PS3, set top box, amplifier etc sit quiet nicely on the floor under the TV stand. There is really no where else they can go in our little house but since the PS3 warranty does not cover damage from toast inserted into the DVD slot, I’m definitely going to have to look into doing something. All I can come up with so far is buying one of those mesh fire guards and putting that in front. I am of course open to suggestions.
Anyway back to the brochure, it does have loads of helpful information and hints on where to get help. From parenting services, “Hey Dad WA” to “Manhood Online” there seems to be heaps of help out there. I must say to me, Manhood online sounds either like an unsuitable site with unsuitable pictures or a place where men can go to have their manhood flattered. Sounds interesting nonetheless.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Toast.......
And then there was toast….
I have heard of cravings and I’m sure all of you out there know of some weird and wonderful cravings. So far we have been through a number – tiny teddies, oranges, honey sandwiches and hot chips…. But there has been one constant – Toast.
I don’t think I’ve ever made so much toast in my life and more often than not it is in the wee hours of the morning when the only person excited to see me out of bed is cupcake thinking she might get an early morning snack.
Now that winter is upon us, it is even worse getting out of bed at some random hour opening the freezer, finding the bread and then standing in the cold watching the toaster with it’s warm red glow, so inviting "oh I could just hop in there" and trying to remember the order. Was it for butter or butter and raspberry jam or butter and vegemite or butter and apricot jam or like this morning just plain toast and all the while that warm snugly spot under the doona, that you spent the last 5 hours creating, has escaped into a distant memory.
I think our baby is going to come out with a jar of raspberry jam and a knife in hand ready to go nuts on a few fresh loaves. Better remember to take a toaster to the birth.
The other weird thing happening at the moment is that suddenly everything in life seems to be about babies. Everywhere I turn there is something about them or one of them. Even the TV is turning on me. For anyone who saw Packed the the Rafters on Tuesday night. OMG – I want to send it back!!!! All that crying, not attaching, not sleeping and the worst part – did anyone see how crazy Mrs Rafter went?? Arghhh I don’t want my wife turning into some crazed emotional feeding machine…
And if all the baby stuff on Packed to the Rafters was not enough, the ads during the show were all about babies.. well perhaps that is a slight exaggeration but the one that sticks in mind is about “Baby Love Pull up pants”. The scariest part is that normally these kind of ads drift past my eyes with little attention, but on Tuesday night I actually started to think “oh they look good – they will be very useful, I must remember about those”. Normally only ads about food and music are of the slightest interest.
In all seriousness today was our 12 week scan and all looks wonderful and healthy with good strong heart, hands and brain. We even saw thumb sucking, feet rubbing and hands in the air. I said to my wife – Does it feel weird knowing all that is going on down there when you can’t feel it? I think from the response it was weirding me out more than her.
Jamie
I have heard of cravings and I’m sure all of you out there know of some weird and wonderful cravings. So far we have been through a number – tiny teddies, oranges, honey sandwiches and hot chips…. But there has been one constant – Toast.
I don’t think I’ve ever made so much toast in my life and more often than not it is in the wee hours of the morning when the only person excited to see me out of bed is cupcake thinking she might get an early morning snack.
Now that winter is upon us, it is even worse getting out of bed at some random hour opening the freezer, finding the bread and then standing in the cold watching the toaster with it’s warm red glow, so inviting "oh I could just hop in there" and trying to remember the order. Was it for butter or butter and raspberry jam or butter and vegemite or butter and apricot jam or like this morning just plain toast and all the while that warm snugly spot under the doona, that you spent the last 5 hours creating, has escaped into a distant memory.
I think our baby is going to come out with a jar of raspberry jam and a knife in hand ready to go nuts on a few fresh loaves. Better remember to take a toaster to the birth.
The other weird thing happening at the moment is that suddenly everything in life seems to be about babies. Everywhere I turn there is something about them or one of them. Even the TV is turning on me. For anyone who saw Packed the the Rafters on Tuesday night. OMG – I want to send it back!!!! All that crying, not attaching, not sleeping and the worst part – did anyone see how crazy Mrs Rafter went?? Arghhh I don’t want my wife turning into some crazed emotional feeding machine…
And if all the baby stuff on Packed to the Rafters was not enough, the ads during the show were all about babies.. well perhaps that is a slight exaggeration but the one that sticks in mind is about “Baby Love Pull up pants”. The scariest part is that normally these kind of ads drift past my eyes with little attention, but on Tuesday night I actually started to think “oh they look good – they will be very useful, I must remember about those”. Normally only ads about food and music are of the slightest interest.
In all seriousness today was our 12 week scan and all looks wonderful and healthy with good strong heart, hands and brain. We even saw thumb sucking, feet rubbing and hands in the air. I said to my wife – Does it feel weird knowing all that is going on down there when you can’t feel it? I think from the response it was weirding me out more than her.
Jamie
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